Bring me your getting through 2020 playlists!
aka Best Breakup Playlist Ever
It’s been raining all day, and I’m realizing how hard it is in this surreal weird days for me to quiet my Virgo and stop working on things, even things that bring me much joy and enrichment.
So, I finally forced myself off the computer, and laid in bed with the lights off just as most were having dinner, either alone or with a partner or children.
Even though this isn’t the first year without my ex-spouse, it’s the first one I’m feeling so acutely because last year I was starting my book tour for my debut novel, Dear Twin, and so it didn’t feel like a normal holiday. I was in New York last winter with my dearest friend. In fact, a year ago almost to the day, I was reading with my friends Kay Barrett and Amanda Galvan Huynh at the Asian American Writers Workshop. It was the last reading I would give in 2019, and little did I know I would only have one reading in 2020 in person before the world would become unrecognizable to us.
Divorce, and separation, is always hard. But, certainly, I’m feeling it even more intensely because this is also a year in which it isn’t safe to be in groups of people, or even with my family, biological or chosen. It’s a year I can’t travel, and it’s a year I can’t be in the world.
I napped for an hour or so, and then I woke up, still feeling wearied, exhausted, and lonely. Maybe, I thought to myself, I need music to keep me company in this quiet apartment. So, I turned on one of my favorite musicians, Sufjan Stevens, and his Christmas collection. What is it about listening to Christmas music alone that brings such melancholy? What is it about listening to melancholy songs while you’re sad that is both soothing, and also just leaves you feeling sadder?
It got me thinking about breakup songs and breakup playlists, or those lists of songs you return to when you’re feeling sad, and when you just want to sit in your feelings, until they move through to something else, or one sad day turns into the next one, filled with a different energy.
Please leave a comment with your favorite playlists, or what mood you’re feeling in this surreal apocalyptic landscape we’re in this holiday season. I’m listening. Send me a question, too, if you’d like. I can’t wait to read them.